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10/06/10

Ramblings of a retired mind

Miss “B”
The year was about 1959. I was in high school. I was a very good student in grammar school, but for various reasons I tossed all that and fell down on the job in ninth grade. Puberty and the teen years were very dark periods for me…I was depressed and sad which left me with little interest in school. I felt my life was crap. Actually it WAS crap, there’s no sugar coating for crap, either it is or it isn’t. Our family was, as it is called today, dysfunctional to say the least.

Anyway, enter English class and Miss B. I remember her full name but I’m going to omit it here because it has little relevance to this story. Miss B was, well to put it kindly, esthetically challenged. She was quite possibly the least attractive person I had met and at my very young and naïve age that was a grievous sin. I disliked her right from the git-go. By her facial expression I expect she wasn’t too thrilled with us either. She was very tall, taller than average for a woman, with reddish frizzy unkempt hair that had every appearance of a battle lost before it even began. She wore no make-up and her face seemed to be splotched with some very large freckles. She wore her skirts very long, just above the ankle to show shoes that some people refer to as “comfortable” which interpreted means oxford style, almost like men’s. She didn’t walk, she “strode” chewing up ground like a horse. She was very wide at the middle and her skirts billowed out like curtains when she moved. Once in a while one could see two very spindly legs underneath.

I don’t remember ever seeing her smile and I wondered what would motivate her to appear every day to try to teach us the finer points of English and literature. I judged her right away as just one more teacher who doubled as a prison guard after school hours who’d had lemons for breakfast.

Our boredom coupled with her appearance caused students, myself included, to mock her behind her back. I don’t know what I was thinking as I certainly was no beauty queen myself but hey, that’s a teen for you. One day we passed notes in the back of the classroom, several of which made jokes about her. After several successful exchanges, the notes escalated and I think we lost our minds for a minute and forgot she was even in the room. We obviously had begun a competition about who could write the meanest things, then whammo! She caught us. I thought I was going to pass out.

She collected all the notes/evidence and, of course, instructed some to schedule private meetings with her after class. I knew I was dead meat. If she didn’t beat me, my parents would. I was embarrassed by my meanest and cruelty not to mention mortified knowing she had read what I said. I figured no way would she have understood that after a few notes, they ceased to really be about her, they were about acting out some kind of anger and rage that a lot of us had pent up. I know I did for sure but I wasn’t aware of that until much later.

Fast forward to my appointment.  I don’t remember facing her or much about the conversation. She had every right to be angry about the cruelty and my participation and I expected the very worst. I had no idea what the very worst would involve, but I expected it was going to be very painful. What I do remember was Miss B asking me if I wrote. Huh? I was a bit confused and replied no, I never did. She then asked me if I would write to her, as many pages as I could and about anything I wanted, just write.
Um, sure, I said, rather hesitantly and still waiting for the other shoe to drop.  That was it. Done. It blew me over that she was not looking for revenge. She didn’t look angry. None of my expectations were realized.

I was bewildered and could think of nothing else all the way home. Had she perhaps read every book in the library and needed something new to read? Would she be grading my submissions and give me all F’s failing me for that term? I couldn’t imagine but when I got home, I wrote. I wrote copious pages and surprisingly I didn’t run out of subject matter. It just went on and on, falling out of my head and pen until the wee hours. It didn’t let up for perhaps a week or more, I’m not sure now, but I know I gave her several letters. She never commented on any of them, she didn’t answer them or grade them, in fact, none were acknowledged at all. For all I knew, she never read them. It didn’t really matter. I was exhausted or better put, “spent”.  Then I realized that I felt better. I didn’t know why at the time. No, I wouldn’t know that until much later.

So what came of this experience? First off I learned not to be so quick to judge others. Under that seemingly sour exterior was a caring individual who understood that we were acting out and was genuinely concerned. More importantly she made me feel she was interested. She may have been the first to do that.

I learned true beauty is inside. True beauty is vulnerable and perhaps it needs an unattractive exterior so as not to be abused.  I knew then that the most beautiful may very well be the best disguised.

I learned that I matter and that I have worth. Even when I do something bad, I can rise above it.

There is nothing as therapeutic as unburdening oneself. Thoughts and concerns are put into words, written on the ether and they float off and away, no longer weighing us down.

I learned that one shouldn’t wait for the best time to say thank you. This all happened about 50 years ago. I was about 15 and Miss B looked to be about 45, maybe older. I doubt she is still among us. I hope, wherever she or her soul is, that she knows that the understanding she showed and the helping hand she extended made a deep impression on me and taught me a bit more about myself and how I can help myself and others in the future.

Case in point:  This internet “blab”. Thank you, Miss B

Other ponderings ~

1. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?

2. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

6. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

8. So what's the speed of dark?

9. War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

11. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

16. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

17. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

19. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

20. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

21. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

23. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is weak?

25. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

26. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

27. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

28. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

35. Do fish get cramps after eating?

36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

41. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?

44. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

46. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

47. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?

48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

49. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

50. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

51. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Oh and.....

My doctor said "DIET!!"
Sooooooo~~~~~
I changed my hair color!